February 2010
21 posts
“He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything Is Illuminated: A Novel)
“The distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn’t the...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer
formspring me, i dare you. →
6:49AM
James has left for work.
The sun has risen.
I really dislike Mondays.
Not that I have anything on today.
Maybes wash my car,
Take a long drive to no where special and back.
Might even ramble some more on here,
Or spam all your pages with #smile posts and catch up on them as promised.
Probs eat a decent meal too.
Gym with mumma bear possibly.
Might even make a formspring? Tempting…
...
It’s nearly 5am, I let insomnia get the better of me again.
It’s in these early hours I usually struggle…
Thinking I really need to move to a time zone where people are awake at this time, or where this time is day time. You get what I mean.
7/11 slurpee time me thinks.
TTFN x
Smile #12
/current activity: laying in the rain at 4am.
my sweet unvalentine.
so today was not a total lost cause. the 24hrs that consisted of said valentines day started terribly, got progressively worse, then came a some clarity that i’ve been desperately searching for (which is the point of this tumblr but i’ll start from the begining, logical right?). apologies in advance, i’m quite positive this is going to turn into me rambling.
12:01 am. lets just...
Alone is not the destination I was searching for.
And yet it’s always where I end up. Tonight of all nights I needed that to be different.
Star Wars and sleeping pills it is, then hopefully some peace of mind during slumber.
#smile posts tomorrow, today just wasn’t my day. Sorry.
time killer - random thoughts for the day
newcastle airport is the absolute worst.
waiting for the stupid shuttle bus is making me mooey in this heat.
i’m indecisive for a reason, it’s because more often than not i make the wrong decision and end up regretting it.
i HATE having to say goodbye to you, it’s getting harder every time.
i really want yogen früz.
time travel needs to be invented already, or just...
That was a tad negative of me. Oops. Dw my #smile post for later today is amazing. Makes me happy just thinking about it.
6am we are soon to meet again, how is it I’m never in your company on good terms though? Bad habit. Maybe that’s just lately. Tonight is different, tonight is worse. Something is just not right, I feel sick, with myself, and everything else. That, plus I forgot my sleeping pills. Doesn’t help much. Sunrise, I’m coming to visit soon. We used to be such good friends, I have a...
Gosh I get irrational when I’m upset, who doesn’t I guess. Apologies though, I reverted back to that person I hated being for a while. Sometimes you just get caught up in so much crap and everything is just overwhelming and bleuuuuhhhh.
But to change that I’m making a conscious effort to get back to that idea of optimism. So I’ll be re-starting my #smile posts, one a day,...
Stuck in the sand with the waves at my feet, and I...
All I’m going to say is thank god today is nearly over, it’s the worst I’ve had in a long time. No one to blame but myself as always though.
Anyway, saying goodbye to the shitness with dinner and a movie in bed.
Old habits die hard. Apologies in advance.
p.s. found a new preventative anxiety/blues tactic this afternoon during my trek to the park… went on the swings...
Fuck, I just need a big brother hug.
It’s all getting too much again, that’s all.
January 2010
46 posts
I guess some kids are just born with tradgety in...
Smile #9
Holly: Do all Irishmen sing?
Gerry: Only the really well hung ones.
Academic Elite My *$Y(#$%!
So, I’ve spent the last 2 weeks emailing, and making phone call after phone call, gone all the way into campus twice at ungodly hours to meet with lecturers, proffesor, program co-ordinators, deans… you name it I’ve done it. All to just enrol in 4 damn classes this semester.
I get an email a week later back after sending this one proffessor and page long explanation of why he...
Smile #8
I’m going to the gym with a really good old friend from school tomorrow, I mean today. We’re doing a six pack session. Well he’s aiming for the six pack I just want a super flat stomach. Then he’s going to bench press me… the thought of this is utterly hilarious. Literally can not wait : )
You make my chest feel like one of those space vacuum bags, you know when they suck all the air out and it shrivels up? Thanking you, <insertabusivenamehere>
The best escape from reality is always a good...
My summer reading list:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky again
Lucky Man: A Memoir - Michael J. Fox again
Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist - Michael J. Fox
Evil Serial Killers - Charlotte Greig
The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch again
Edie: An American Biography - Jean Stein again
The Picture of Dorian Grey - Oscar Wilde
Purpose For The Pain - Renee...
I had a dream last night. Woke up in tears, shaking uncontrollably. To top it off I then had an anxiety attack. But it was just a dream, make believe, yes. The problem was it was so insanely realistic, and I can actually see the events already start to pan out. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop them. I’m glad that you can make the people that mean the most to me happy, cheer...
WatchSmile #6
Even though Matthewww was a complete douche for breaking up this band I still adore him. I filmed this early 2005, before the boys got big. Their shows back then were super intimate ;P
Nothing makes me smile more than the old gigs at Oasis; hanging with TGP and Prom Queen (before Ed went back to the uk)… best times, best people.
“When adults say, “Teenagers think they are invincible” with that...”
– John Green (Looking for Alaska)
I need you to take advantage of me again. It will give me reason to hate you and finally let go.
“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around...”
– John Green (Looking for Alaska)
“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who...”
– Chuck Palahniuk
thelovefiles:
“I want to be the girl who he thinks is the cutest. Not necessarily the “hottest” or the “prettiest”, but the cutest. Because hotness refers to the body, and God knows mine isn’t perfect. Pretty refers to the face and I know plenty of girls prettier than me. But cuteness is referring to every imperfection that he loves. Every weird little habit. The funny little things that make...
“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your...”
– Lawrence Krauss
“More and more, it feels like I’m doing a really bad impersonation of...”
– Chuck Palahniuk
Last night I took the plunge, back into reality......
I began being social again, with the people used to be social with. Now, after not hanging with a group of people for a few weeks inevitably you’re going to feel a little, heck a lot left out of the loop. But I went and I sat there, not saying much, just observing, it opened my eyes, the world keeps turning without you. You can either sit back behind you’re wall and exclude yourself or try to jump...
“What is an “instant” death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one...”
– John Green (Looking for Alaska)
“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.”
– Gene Wilder (Willy Wonka)